


Sonata

by Kalkasar (Mordhena)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Hurt Tom Paris, Inspired by Music, M/M, Music, Musical Instruments, Piano
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordhena/pseuds/Kalkasar
Summary: Chakotay goes to investigate an unauthorised use of the holodecks
Relationships: Chakotay/Tom Paris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Sonata

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old songfic that I wrote, inspired by the Song [Forever Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOSpiuQZOvg) by Reba McEntire

Sonata

Tom entered the holodeck alone. It was late, but he had come here at this time on purpose. He needed the solitude, the quiet of omega shift. It was the best time.

Walking into the black and yellow patterned room, he paused a moment then took a small breath, exhaling slowly. "Computer, run holoprogram Paris omega ten."

The computer beeped a response and the grid pattern vanished.

Tom found himself standing on a stage. His off duty clothes had changed to a black tuxedo with a snowy white shirt under it. In the center of the stage a Grand piano stood, silent and waiting. Tom smiled softly and walked over to the instrument, sitting on the piano stool provided and lightly touching the gleaming white keys.

Softly, he began to play. The notes flowing into the silent air around him as his fingers caressed the ivory and ebony keys under them. He closed his eyes.

His body seemed to flow with the music as he vented the feelings inside himself through the gentle, mournful notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

Moving his head in the typical 'nodding' of the concert pianist, he sighed, the sadness welling up within him as he played on and a small, silent tear edged from under his eyelashes.

Drifting through the first movement of the sonata, he caressed the keys, letting the music flow from his soul into the ivory and through the strings.

Lips pressed tightly together, he played the cadenza that ended the first movement then played on into the slightly less mournful, more questioning and puzzled sounding second movement.

Some people seemed to find Beethoven difficult to interpret.

Not Tom. He understood every word, every expression of face, every feeling the composer had put into his music.

Tom new that thinking in terms of words and expressions in relation to classical music would not make sense to many. But to him, Beethoven spoke and moved through his music even as if the composer himself were in the room with him when he played.

Opening his eyes, Tom raised them to the holographic roof of the theater he had created. 'Mom...' he thought, pouring all of his heart into the gentle rhythm and cadence of the piano keys. 'Mom...'

The Moonlight Sonata was Sherilyn Paris' favorite piece of classical music. It was she who had taught Tommy how to play the piano. In the early days of his childhood, until she taught him all she knew, and that was a considerable amount.

When he started school, Sherilyn encouraged her son to continue the pursuit of music and the young Paris had not disagreed. The piano had become a solace and a delight to him. A means to express things that he could not express otherwise.

He sighed. Ending the second movement and sitting in silence for a long moment after the echoes of the last note died. He swallowed. Standing up, he moved away from the piano and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Happy Birthday, Mom." he whispered brokenly "I love you. I miss you. Forever."

He was unaware when the holodeck doors opened and someone stepped through them. Too absorbed in his own grief to notice.

"Tom?"

He started violently and turned to face Chakotay. "Cha!" He rubbed at his face, trying to remove the traces of tears. "You startled me!"

"Sorry. I ..."

Tom shook his head, turning away. "It's ok." he said softly.

Chakotay watched him. Tom was an enigma to him, even now, after so long knowing him, working with him. The man had so many layers and facets to his nature. It seemed you just got to know him, and something new was revealed. "I didn't know you play." He said softly.

"It's not something I advertise."

"Why?" Chakotay took a step or two towards the Pilot.

"It's a personal thing. Music. An outlet." Tom turned away, looking out, across the footlights to the empty concert hall. "I never could program an audience, you know? It just ... didn't seem to fit, somehow."

Pausing by the piano, Chakotay lightly touched a key. A crystal note sounded into the air and he sighed. "I never learned any instrument. Sometimes I envy those who can. As you say, it is an outlet."

"Yeah, but you have your spirits, meditation, isn't that the same thing? Music just helps me to focus, the end result is the same."

"I suppose so." Chakotay looked at Tom and smiled softly. "Would you play, for me?"

Tom turned and looked from Chakotay to the piano and then met the Commander's eyes. He didn't speak for a long moment then, seeming to reach a decision he nodded slightly. "All right." He moved to the piano and sat down, running his fingers lightly across the keys in a rill as he pondered what to play.

After a moment, he began to play, and, to Chakotay's surprise, sang softly to his own accompaniment.

> _Forever love_  
>  _I promise you_  
>  _Someday we'll be together_  
>  _Forever love_  
>  _I wont give up_  
>  _No matter what_  
>  _I'll be waiting for you_  
>  _Forever love_
> 
> _Love is the road to our destiny_  
>  _Nothing can change what is meant to be_

"That's beautiful, Tom." Chakotay's words were genuine. "You play and sing very well."

"Thanks. It's earned me a drink or two over the years ... a bed as well, occasionally. It's handy to have something to fall back on." He fell silent, tinkling the keys a little as he sat there.

Chakotay moved forward and slowly reached a hand to rest on the pilot's shoulder. "Why did you come here so late, Tom? Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

Tom looked up at the Commander, his dark, incredibly blue eyes searching Chakotay's face. Of all the things he might have expected Chakotay to do, offering him an ear was hardly one of them.

"Oh...I had trouble sleeping. I thought the music might help," he evaded.

"I see." Chakotay sighed softly, wishing Tom would open up to him.

"How did you know I was here?" Tom glanced up at Chakotay for a moment then looked away.

"I'm the first officer. It's my job to know about an unscheduled, unauthorized use of the holodeck."

"ah...caught." Tom smiled slightly and looked away. "I'm sorry. I guess I should have thought before I came here."

"I'll let you off, on one condition, Lieutenant."

Tom stiffened, Chakotay felt it through the light contact of his hand on the younger man's shoulder and he frowned.

"What condition."

"Tell me why, Tom."

Tom sighed and bowed his head. "It's my mother's birthday. She always encouraged my music, and she loved Beethoven. I...thought ... " Tom gritted his teeth against the display of emotion and closed his eyes.

"Tom..." Chakotay pulled the younger man to his feet and placed both hands on Tom's shoulders. "Talk to me. "

"I thought that I would come here and play for her birthday and maybe that would help me to sleep. I … miss her so much and playing seems to bring her closer, somehow."

"I understand. I'm sorry, Tom." Chakotay let his hands stay on the Pilot's shoulders, enjoying the sense of closeness between them, almost, as if the barriers that had come between them since the first day Chakotay's crew had come aboard Voyager had magically dissolved. He stared into Tom's face and caught his breath sharply when Tom raised those expressive eyes to his.

Tom searched Chakotay's face, looking for the faintest sign of ridicule and finding only understanding and empathy. He bit his lip and closed his eyes as a small, strangled sob broke from his lips. "I'm … sorry." Tom gasped and broke free of Chakotay's gentle grasp, heading for the Holodeck doors quickly.

"Tom!" Chakotay followed him. "Tom, please!" But the Pilot only moved more quickly, almost running in his haste to get away. Chakotay stopped, realizing the futility of chasing him. _Dammit!_ he thought fiercely. W _hy … why can't he just allow anyone to get close enough to touch him, to help him?_ He sighed, watching as Tom disappeared around the corner of the hallway and a line from Tom's song came back to his mind. _I wont give up, no matter what I'll be waiting for you forever love._ "I wont give up, Tom." He said softly then glanced back towards the piano. "Computer, end program."


End file.
